Tag: verbal tics

Quick answer: Learning how to stop saying um isn’t about willpower—it’s about replacing the filler with a deliberate pause. When you feel “um” coming, close your mouth, take one breath, then continue. This 3-second reset interrupts the nervous system pattern that causes filler words. Within two weeks of practice, most professionals reduce their ums by 70% or more.

The Meeting That Made Me Finally Fix This

A client once sent me a recording of her team presentation. She wanted feedback on her content. Instead, I counted 47 “ums” in 12 minutes.

She was mortified. “I had no idea I did that.”

Most people don’t. Filler words operate below conscious awareness—until someone points them out, or worse, until you notice colleagues checking their phones while you speak.

The good news: as a clinical hypnotherapist and presentation coach, I’ve helped hundreds of professionals eliminate this habit. Not by trying harder. Not by recording themselves obsessively. But by understanding why “um” happens in the first place—and interrupting the pattern at its source.

Here’s what actually works.

Why You Say Um (It’s Not What You Think)

“Um” isn’t a vocabulary problem. It’s a nervous system problem.

When you speak under pressure—whether it’s a presentation, a meeting, or even a casual conversation where you feel judged—your brain enters a mild stress state. In this state, two things happen simultaneously:

1. Your thoughts speed up. Stress hormones accelerate mental processing. Ideas come faster than you can articulate them.

2. Your mouth tries to keep up. Rather than pause (which feels vulnerable), your brain fills the gap with sound. “Um” is that sound. It’s your nervous system saying “don’t stop talking or they’ll think you’re incompetent.”

This is why willpower doesn’t work. You can’t think your way out of a stress response. Telling yourself “don’t say um” actually makes it worse—you’re adding cognitive load to an already overloaded system.

The solution isn’t to try harder. It’s to give your nervous system a different option.

The Pause-and-Breathe Technique

Here’s how to stop saying um using a method that works with your neurology, not against it:

Step 1: Recognise the “um impulse.”

There’s a micro-moment before every “um” where you feel the urge to fill silence. It might feel like pressure in your throat, a slight panic, or just the sense that you need to keep making sound. Learn to notice this moment.

Step 2: Close your mouth.

Physically close your lips. This is critical. You cannot say “um” with your mouth closed. It sounds obvious, but this physical interruption breaks the automatic pattern.

Step 3: Take one breath.

Breathe in through your nose. This does two things: it gives your brain oxygen (improving clarity) and it activates your parasympathetic nervous system (reducing the stress response that caused the filler word).

Step 4: Speak only when you have your next word.

Don’t open your mouth until you know exactly what you’re going to say. The pause might feel like three seconds to you. To your audience, it looks like confidence.

This technique works because it replaces the filler behaviour with a different behaviour. You’re not eliminating anything—you’re substituting.

How to Practice Without Feeling Awkward

The technique is simple. The challenge is making it automatic. Here’s how to practice without driving yourself crazy:

Low-stakes conversation practice (Week 1):

Practice the pause-and-breathe in conversations that don’t matter—ordering coffee, chatting with a neighbour, calling customer service. The goal isn’t perfection. It’s building the muscle memory of pausing instead of filling.

Recording review (Week 2):

Record yourself for 2 minutes talking about your weekend. Watch it back. Don’t count your ums—notice where they happen. Are they at the start of sentences? During transitions? When you’re searching for a specific word? This tells you when to deploy the pause.

Meeting integration (Week 3+):

Start using the technique in real meetings. Pick one meeting per day where you consciously practice. Don’t try to eliminate every filler word—focus on the first one. Catch that first “um impulse” and pause instead. Success builds on itself.

Most people see significant improvement within 2-3 weeks. The filler words don’t disappear entirely (and they don’t need to), but they reduce by 60-80%.

Advanced Techniques for High-Stakes Situations

The pause-and-breathe technique handles everyday speaking. But what about high-pressure moments—board presentations, job interviews, client pitches?

The pre-meeting reset:

Five minutes before any high-stakes conversation, find a private space. Take six slow breaths (4 counts in, 6 counts out). This activates your parasympathetic nervous system and reduces the stress hormones that cause filler words. Learn more about pre-presentation calming techniques here.

The “first sentence” anchor:

Memorise your first sentence word-for-word. Not your whole opening—just the first sentence. When you know exactly how you’ll start, you eliminate the uncertainty that triggers early filler words. A clean start builds momentum.

The Q&A pause protocol:

Questions trigger more “ums” than any other speaking situation. Here’s why: you’re processing and speaking simultaneously. Solution: after someone asks a question, pause for a full 2 seconds before answering. Say “That’s a good question” if you need a bridge. Then answer. This tiny delay gives your brain time to formulate a complete thought.

If you tend to ramble when nervous, these techniques work together. Pausing naturally creates shorter, more structured responses.

Related: Once you’ve eliminated filler words, make sure your slides don’t undermine your newfound confidence. Read Executive Presentation Structure: The Format That Gets Instant Buy-In.

Common Questions About Filler Words

Why do I say um so much?

“Um” is a stress response, not a speech habit. When your brain processes faster than your mouth can speak (which happens under pressure), it fills the gap with sound rather than silence. This is an automatic nervous system behaviour—which is why trying to “just stop” doesn’t work. The solution is replacing the filler with a deliberate pause, which gives your brain time to catch up.

How do I train myself to stop saying um?

Train the pause-and-breathe technique: when you feel the “um impulse,” close your mouth, take one breath, then speak only when you know your next word. Practice in low-stakes conversations first (ordering coffee, casual chats), then gradually apply it in meetings. Most people see 60-80% reduction within 2-3 weeks of consistent practice.

Is saying um unprofessional?

Occasional filler words are normal and human. Excessive filler words (more than 3-4 per minute) can signal nervousness and reduce perceived confidence. The goal isn’t to eliminate every “um”—it’s to reduce them enough that they don’t distract from your message. Research suggests audiences stop noticing filler words below a certain threshold.

FAQ

How long does it take to reduce filler words?

Most people see noticeable improvement within 2-3 weeks of consistent practice. The first week focuses on awareness and low-stakes practice. By week three, the pause-and-breathe technique starts becoming automatic. Complete elimination isn’t the goal—reducing filler words by 60-80% is realistic and sufficient for professional impact.

What if I can’t pause—my mind races too fast?

Racing thoughts are a sign of elevated stress hormones, not a personality trait. The pre-meeting breathing reset (6 slow breaths before speaking) reduces this significantly. If your mind still races during speaking, shorten your sentences. Aim for one idea per sentence. Racing thoughts can’t outpace short, complete statements.

Does this work for virtual meetings too?

Yes—and pauses are actually more powerful on video. On camera, filler words stand out more because there’s less visual information to distract from them. The pause-and-breathe technique works identically in virtual settings. Bonus: you can keep a sticky note with “PAUSE” written on it near your camera as a reminder.

Should I ask someone to count my ums?

This usually backfires. Having someone count your filler words increases self-consciousness, which increases stress, which increases filler words. Instead, record yourself occasionally and review privately. Notice patterns without judgement. The goal is awareness, not punishment.

Your Next Step

Learning how to stop saying um isn’t about willpower or self-criticism. It’s about giving your nervous system a better option than filling silence with sound.

Try the pause-and-breathe technique in your next conversation. Close your mouth when you feel the filler word coming. Take one breath. Speak when you’re ready. It will feel awkward at first—and your audience won’t notice anything except that you sound more confident.

If you want the complete system for eliminating speaking anxiety—not just filler words, but the underlying nervousness that causes them—get Conquer Speaking Fear.